I was recently given a reading assignment: 2 Samuel 11. It is the story of King David and Bathsheba. How does this relate to me? You can read it here. To paraphrase, David was King. He was very powerful and favored by God. His army was doing well. He happened to see a beautiful woman bathing across the street and he had to have her. He was told that she was married. It didn't matter to him. He wanted her anyway. He sent for her, slept with her, and got her pregnant. He sent for her husband and tried to trick him into sleeping with her so he would think it was his, and when that didn't work, he had him killed. It was a real downward spiral.
I was pretty familiar with this story. I'd read the account numerous times and have seen Gregory Peck play it out on the silver screen. I have never really thought about how it related to me until now. I read it over and over again in several different versions (like the CEV, Message, and NIV), and three truths finaly stood out to me.
The first truth is that it all started with one, seemingly simple action. David was looking at something he shouldn't have. He probably thought that it wasn't hurting anyone for him just to look. How many times have we had a similar dialogue with ourselves?
"It's okay just to have one more cookie, it's not hurting anyone. There are worse things I could be doing." "One more drink is fine. It's not like I'm an alcoholic or something."
"It's okay for me to talk to this person online. We're just talking. There's nothing wrong with that."
These little actions may seem harmless, or like they aren't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but they add up. They pave the path to destruction. They cause little cracks in our wall that allow Satan to climb up higher and higher. He is the one who is giving us all of the excuses and telling us it's not a big deal. I like the way the CEV version puts it in James 1:13-15. "Don't blame God when you are tempted! God cannot be tempted by evil, and he doesn't tempt others. We are tempted by our own desires that drag us off and trap us. Our desires make us sin, and when sin is finished with us, it leaves us dead." David allowed himself to be tempted by his lust for Bathsheba, and that lust drug him off into committing adultery and murder.
The second truth that is apparent in this story is that God always gives us a way out. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV) promises us that "...God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." When reading David's story you can easily see all of the ways out that God has given him. In verse 3 of 2 Samuel 11 we see that David sent someone to find out about Bathsheba, and they reported back that she was married. He didn't care! In verse 4 we find out that David slept with her during her time of purification from her monthly period. This could have been another opportunity God was giving David to get out of the situation because a woman was still considered "unclean" for seven days after her period (Leviticus 15:19). In verses 6-13 we see that David is trying to trick Bathsheba's husband, Uriah, into going home and sleeping with his wife so that he might end up thinking the baby is his. It failed twice! Uriah was a good guy and he didn't think it was right to have the comforts of his home and his wife when the rest of the soldiers were still out on the battlefield. Don't you wish David had recognized Uriah's integrity and fessed up? After all, it's not like Uriah could do anything to him. He was King! God gave him so many opportunities to end all of the lies and deceit. He will do that for all of us.
The third truth that I found in this story is probably the most important. You actually have to read ahead a little bit to find it. We read in the rest of the story that David had Uriah killed on the battlefield and took Bathsheba as his own wife. Verse 27 tells us that "What David had done displeased the Lord." If we read on into chapter 12 we see that David finally realized the gravity of what he had done and repented. (2 Samuel 12:13) and although God punished him, he forgave him and took away the sin. I say this is the most important truth because it is true for us all. No matter what horrible thing we may have done (adultery and murder seems pretty bad), God will forgive us if we repent! David himself wrote in Psalm 103:12 "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."
Even though the story of David and Bathsheba might seem so far removed from our lives today, I believe we can learn three important truths from it: There is not such thing as a small sin, God always gives us a way out of our temptation, and God will always forgive.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, September 26, 2011
Only A Step From Satan's Door
This is a poem that my Grandma wrote. I've always remembered it since I was a little girl. It paints such a picture. Enjoy...
Only a Step From Satan’s Door
Only a step from Satan’s door -
The man, so old, was bent in sin;
His past relived before his eyes,
For death was slowly creeping in.
He’d had a home where love abounds
And shared a mother’s tender care;
He’d known a father’s guiding hand,
And love for him was everywhere.
He’d been to church and learned the ‘rule’,
For he’d been taught the wrong from right.
He’d heard of Christ - the crucified -
The only way, the Truth and Light!
“Some other time,” had been his plea,
As worldly pleasures beckoned him;
He turned from all the things held dear
And, thus, began his life of sin.
Drinking and gambling, day and night,
Soon had possession of his life.
His money seemed to waste away
With nothing left but grief and strife.
For all his friends had turned him down,
His job was gone, he’d lost his health;
His family, home, and self respect
Departed with his dwindling wealth.
It’d been a gay and carefree life,
As year by year sped quickly by;
But sin had left its crimson mark
And, now, he was about to die.
For, in a drunken state of mind,
He’d staggered from an open bar
Into the path of death, itself -
He’d fell beneath a speeding car.
An ambulance was called in haste,
For there had been no time to lose,
And, to the hospital, they rushed,
The latest victim of the booze.
There, all alone, the end so near,
The man in agony did lay;
Only a step from Satan’s door -
Only a moment left to pray!
He thought of family, home, and friends -
Of early days where love was found.
He longed to see each face once more -
To hear just one familiar sound.
But there he lay, so far from home,
As nurse and doctor stood close by
Trying to ease the pain he bore -
Seconds before he was to die.
Only a step from Satan’s door,
As on the bed of death he lay;
Troubled in spirit, breath by breath,
His life was fading fast away.
Then, from the dim, swept past once more,
He saw the Savior’s outstretched hand.
“Come unto me, I’ll give you rest;
Break free from Satan’s last demand!”
Would he respond to this last plea
And trust the Lord to save his soul,
Or had he waited once too long
And Hell would be his final goal?
His trembling hand reached out to grasp -
As if something were there in space -
And taking hold of God’s firm hand,
A smile began to light his face.
He motioned for the doctor, then,
To bend down low, that he might hear
The parting words he had to say;
His happiness shown through a tear!
The doctor had to strain his ears
To catch the old man’s dying word
And in a feeble voice - so faint,
Well, here is what the doctor heard:
“I’ve spent my life all warped in sin,
While traveling down the road I trod;
Only a step from Satan’s door,
But Safe, at last, to be with God!”
And with these words the old man died,
A smile still lighting up his face;
For not in Hell but Heaven above,
He’d found his final resting place!
But don’t live like that old man did
And wait ‘til life has passed you by;
You man not have the chance he had
To turn to Christ before you die.
Don’t wait until you find that you
Are just one step from Satan’s door’
Repent, believe, receive Him now -
Be safe with Christ forever more!
- Norma Sara May Davis
Friday, August 19, 2011
The Spiritual Worth of the Stay at Home Mom
“You’re picking up toys on the living room floor for the fifteenth time today. Matching up socks, sweeping up lost Cheerios that got away.” Listening to the new song by Steven Curtis Chapman, I wondered if he had a hidden camera in my house. I’m sure I’m not alone.
Being a stay at home mom definitely has it’s challenges. I miss my career. I long for adult socialization. I wish I still had the spending money to go shopping for pretty clothes and get manicures at the nail salon.
I honestly wouldn’t trade these things for the opportunity I have to be at home with my children, but I do miss having a “real” job. Besides what I miss about going off to work, I personally struggle with doubts about my worth and what I’m contributing to our household financially. Every time I swipe a credit card or sign a check I can’t help but feel a tinge of guilt about spending what I didn’t earn.
I’m not writing this to tell other moms that they should quit their jobs and stay at home. I believe everyone should do what God has called them to do. The Bible says “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms” (1 Peter 4:10) It was just time for me to get into the word and find out just what it said about my new “job”.
My biggest struggle is that I feel as if I’m not contributing enough. I’m not making any money to add to our household budget and that’s a tough pill for me to swallow. Having worked since I was fifteen years old, I’ve been used to my own personal pocketbook for a long time. I also spent many months during my single days struggling to make ends meet. I can surely crunch the numbers, now, to rearrange our budget, but I can’t throw any more change in the pot, and I feel bad about that sometimes.
Contrary to my own anxieties, the Bible tells me not to worry about money. “Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have.” (Hebrews 13:5) “For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:7-10) “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)
Sometimes I feel sad or ashamed that I don’t get to be “pretty” anymore. I don’t wear nice clothes. Why bother? I will just spill bleach on them, splatter grease, or get spit up on. I’ve traded in my long, styled hair for a shorter, simpler cut. There isn’t much time for makeup and jewelry gets yanked off within minutes of wearing it. This is especially tough for me coming from the beauty industry, but the Bible tells me that “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:3&4)
I also worry what everyone else thinks about my “job”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “do you work or do you just stay home?” That really stings. It’s not in my nature to be sarcastic or argumentative, but contrary to what today’s society may think, I do not sit on the couch eating bonbons and watching talk shows on television. We stay very busy. Rather than angrily justify myself to my phantom readers by listing our day to day routine, again I must remember to turn to the Word.
I remember reading in the Bible how Titus was supposed to teach the older women of the church so “…they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the word of God.” (Titus 2:4) This scripture was under the heading “Doing Good for the Sake of the Gospel”. Did you ever stop to think that something as simple as being a good wife and mom is actually spreading the good news about Jesus?
In that song, “Do Everything” Chapman later goes on to sing
“Little stuff big stuff in between stuff
God sees it all the same
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
We’ll let me remind you it all matters just as long as you do
Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you
To do every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do”
Everything we do should be to bring glory to God. “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Even if its something as simple as taking care of your home. “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith…” (1 Timothy 5:8) That last verse was something I just recently learned. Not only am I serving when I take care of my family, but its actually a disservice if I don’t!
The best thing about being a stay at home mom is being with my children. I’m so blessed that I no longer have the heartache that comes along with hours spent separated from my babies. It’s a blessing for me and for the kids. (As much as they may take it for granted sometimes!) I truly believe that what a parent is doing at home is one of the greatest opportunities to serve God. The Bible tells us to “train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” The very foundation of what your child is going to believe for the rest of their life is in your hands. Nearly half of those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their savior do so before the age of 13, and 2 out of 3 will do so before 18. Jesus said “…Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”(Mark 10:14) We are serving God in the most glorious way when we are bringing precious little ones to know him!
If you are like me and you start to feel this shame or worry creeping back in, remember these scriptures, and look for more. Search God’s word to find the answers. And remember to do “everything you do to the glory of the one who made you.”
Being a stay at home mom definitely has it’s challenges. I miss my career. I long for adult socialization. I wish I still had the spending money to go shopping for pretty clothes and get manicures at the nail salon.
I honestly wouldn’t trade these things for the opportunity I have to be at home with my children, but I do miss having a “real” job. Besides what I miss about going off to work, I personally struggle with doubts about my worth and what I’m contributing to our household financially. Every time I swipe a credit card or sign a check I can’t help but feel a tinge of guilt about spending what I didn’t earn.
I’m not writing this to tell other moms that they should quit their jobs and stay at home. I believe everyone should do what God has called them to do. The Bible says “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms” (1 Peter 4:10) It was just time for me to get into the word and find out just what it said about my new “job”.
My biggest struggle is that I feel as if I’m not contributing enough. I’m not making any money to add to our household budget and that’s a tough pill for me to swallow. Having worked since I was fifteen years old, I’ve been used to my own personal pocketbook for a long time. I also spent many months during my single days struggling to make ends meet. I can surely crunch the numbers, now, to rearrange our budget, but I can’t throw any more change in the pot, and I feel bad about that sometimes.
Contrary to my own anxieties, the Bible tells me not to worry about money. “Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have.” (Hebrews 13:5) “For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:7-10) “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)
Sometimes I feel sad or ashamed that I don’t get to be “pretty” anymore. I don’t wear nice clothes. Why bother? I will just spill bleach on them, splatter grease, or get spit up on. I’ve traded in my long, styled hair for a shorter, simpler cut. There isn’t much time for makeup and jewelry gets yanked off within minutes of wearing it. This is especially tough for me coming from the beauty industry, but the Bible tells me that “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:3&4)
I also worry what everyone else thinks about my “job”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “do you work or do you just stay home?” That really stings. It’s not in my nature to be sarcastic or argumentative, but contrary to what today’s society may think, I do not sit on the couch eating bonbons and watching talk shows on television. We stay very busy. Rather than angrily justify myself to my phantom readers by listing our day to day routine, again I must remember to turn to the Word.
I remember reading in the Bible how Titus was supposed to teach the older women of the church so “…they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the word of God.” (Titus 2:4) This scripture was under the heading “Doing Good for the Sake of the Gospel”. Did you ever stop to think that something as simple as being a good wife and mom is actually spreading the good news about Jesus?
In that song, “Do Everything” Chapman later goes on to sing
“Little stuff big stuff in between stuff
God sees it all the same
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
We’ll let me remind you it all matters just as long as you do
Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you
To do every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do”
Everything we do should be to bring glory to God. “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Even if its something as simple as taking care of your home. “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith…” (1 Timothy 5:8) That last verse was something I just recently learned. Not only am I serving when I take care of my family, but its actually a disservice if I don’t!
The best thing about being a stay at home mom is being with my children. I’m so blessed that I no longer have the heartache that comes along with hours spent separated from my babies. It’s a blessing for me and for the kids. (As much as they may take it for granted sometimes!) I truly believe that what a parent is doing at home is one of the greatest opportunities to serve God. The Bible tells us to “train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” The very foundation of what your child is going to believe for the rest of their life is in your hands. Nearly half of those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their savior do so before the age of 13, and 2 out of 3 will do so before 18. Jesus said “…Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”(Mark 10:14) We are serving God in the most glorious way when we are bringing precious little ones to know him!
If you are like me and you start to feel this shame or worry creeping back in, remember these scriptures, and look for more. Search God’s word to find the answers. And remember to do “everything you do to the glory of the one who made you.”
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Out of the mouths of babes
And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. -Matthew 18:3
This morning I wanted to read to my 3-year-old daughter from John 14 because we like to talk about God's big, big house that we will go to some day: "My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."(v 2&3)I asked her if she knew what Jesus was talking about and she said that she did. "I know all about Jesus," she said.
"Can you tell me what else you know?" I asked her.
"I know that Jesus loves us, and that he died on a cross."
"Do you know why?" I asked.
"God hates sin- when you do bad stuff, like when you have to go to time out, you have to be punished because God doesn't like that. Jesus went on the cross to take our punishment."
"But Jesus came back to life, right?"
She nodded her head, "mmmhmm"
"And where is he now?"
She pointed up to the sky and said, "Up in heaven getting the house ready."
I praise God that my little girl know this! It is a very simple lesson. Jesus told us to be like the little children in our faith. Look at what I learned today!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The Armor of God
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." -Ephesians 6: 10-17
I had hear this passage before, and I even liked it so much I have a print of the armor of a Roman soldier hanging up in my den with the scripture. I didn't really look at it as something I needed to reflect on daily, but I am starting to see the real importance of this "armor" and how much it helps me to truly understand it's significance.
I learned at church just this past week that our struggles or fights -all of them- are not with people. The person that we have a conflict with is not our enemy. They are only a victim of "The Enemy". And you know who I'm talking about, right? Satan. I don't even like to talk about him, but I need to because he is always ALWAYS scheming against us. I can't tell you how much that changed the way I was looking at things. When I am involved in a conflict I always use up all of my energy being angry with the person. That is exactly what he wants. It's not always about a giant, earth shattering, soul stealing, good verses evil battle with Satan. He loves his small victories, too. It's all of these small things that he gets through with that beat us down and cause us to forget our true purpose.
I'm asking God's help to make me more aware of these battles that are going on all the time. Every time Satan gets a hold of one of my "strongholds" and tries to use it against me, I need to realize what's going on. It's not just part of the natural scheme of things. It truly is supernatural.
If you read my previous post about trying to come to terms with my past, I am recognizing that was truly an attack from the Devil. He wants me to think I'm not good enough to be loved by God. Well, I'm really not, but Jesus is, and because of Him I can have a relationship with God.
I want to share with you what God has shown me. It is helping. I am thinking about this armor all the time, now! Every time I start to hear that ugly voice in the back of my head, I am coming to this:
I put on the belt of truth: The Roman soldier's belt was the foundation for the rest of his armor. The truth is Jesus. He is the"way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him." (John 14:6) This is my foundation. My solid rock. Every thing I am rests upon this truth, and it trumps all of Satan's lies.
I put on the breastplate of righteousness. Jesus is my righteousness. I can never be righteous enough on my own to come to God, but because of Jesus I am under God's protection.
I will wear the sandals of readiness and peace. Our peace is the Gospel. Jesus' life, death and resurrection is the only way to be at peace with God. Just like a soldier who must always have his sandals on to be ready for battle, I will be ready in this peace I have because of Jesus.
I will carry the shield of faith. My faith is in the power of God. Our mighty, mighty Father can protect us from anything the Enemy hurls at us.
I will wear the helmet of salvation. Jesus is my salvation. He is my savior, my redeemer. He will deliver me from any evil.
I will take up the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. This is the weapon God has given me to defeat the Enemy. The Word of God is more powerful than anything the Devil has. It is living. John 1:1 tells us "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." Jesus is the Word and He will always prevail over the evil one.
I will return to this over and over again because this battle is going on around us all the time. Whether we really want to be part of it or not, we are. This is the only way to stave off the attacks and prevail for the Lord.
I had hear this passage before, and I even liked it so much I have a print of the armor of a Roman soldier hanging up in my den with the scripture. I didn't really look at it as something I needed to reflect on daily, but I am starting to see the real importance of this "armor" and how much it helps me to truly understand it's significance.
I learned at church just this past week that our struggles or fights -all of them- are not with people. The person that we have a conflict with is not our enemy. They are only a victim of "The Enemy". And you know who I'm talking about, right? Satan. I don't even like to talk about him, but I need to because he is always ALWAYS scheming against us. I can't tell you how much that changed the way I was looking at things. When I am involved in a conflict I always use up all of my energy being angry with the person. That is exactly what he wants. It's not always about a giant, earth shattering, soul stealing, good verses evil battle with Satan. He loves his small victories, too. It's all of these small things that he gets through with that beat us down and cause us to forget our true purpose.
I'm asking God's help to make me more aware of these battles that are going on all the time. Every time Satan gets a hold of one of my "strongholds" and tries to use it against me, I need to realize what's going on. It's not just part of the natural scheme of things. It truly is supernatural.
If you read my previous post about trying to come to terms with my past, I am recognizing that was truly an attack from the Devil. He wants me to think I'm not good enough to be loved by God. Well, I'm really not, but Jesus is, and because of Him I can have a relationship with God.
I want to share with you what God has shown me. It is helping. I am thinking about this armor all the time, now! Every time I start to hear that ugly voice in the back of my head, I am coming to this:
I put on the belt of truth: The Roman soldier's belt was the foundation for the rest of his armor. The truth is Jesus. He is the"way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him." (John 14:6) This is my foundation. My solid rock. Every thing I am rests upon this truth, and it trumps all of Satan's lies.
I put on the breastplate of righteousness. Jesus is my righteousness. I can never be righteous enough on my own to come to God, but because of Jesus I am under God's protection.
I will wear the sandals of readiness and peace. Our peace is the Gospel. Jesus' life, death and resurrection is the only way to be at peace with God. Just like a soldier who must always have his sandals on to be ready for battle, I will be ready in this peace I have because of Jesus.
I will carry the shield of faith. My faith is in the power of God. Our mighty, mighty Father can protect us from anything the Enemy hurls at us.
I will wear the helmet of salvation. Jesus is my salvation. He is my savior, my redeemer. He will deliver me from any evil.
I will take up the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. This is the weapon God has given me to defeat the Enemy. The Word of God is more powerful than anything the Devil has. It is living. John 1:1 tells us "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." Jesus is the Word and He will always prevail over the evil one.
I will return to this over and over again because this battle is going on around us all the time. Whether we really want to be part of it or not, we are. This is the only way to stave off the attacks and prevail for the Lord.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Testimony
Someone recently stepped out of my past and said I was a hypocrite because the person I used to be was so bad. It hurt. It brought up a lot of feelings. Mostly shame. Something was whispering to me that they were right. "Look at what a waste you were. God can't love you". I am grateful that I have faith enough to know that it was Satan whispering these ideas into my ear, not the voice of truth.
I want to share my testimony with anyone who may read it. Not to try and prove my worth, now that I am a Christian, but because I want anyone who may struggle with some of the same feelings that I have to know that it's okay. God does love you. He loves you while you're still a sinner and wants you to come to him no matter what.
I accepted Jesus as my savior when I was young, but, as I heard it put by Joni Eareckson Tada, I had not given Jesus the "throne of my heart". I was saving it for myself. I was living in the world to please myself. It was like I had Jesus in my pocket and I could get him out if I needed him, but I would keep him in there so I could do what I wanted.
I can't really tell you about a certain moment that I finally decided to give myself wholly over to God. I just know I felt quite empty through the majority of my late teens and twenties. God was always there trying to lead me to the narrow path. I could feel the desire to let go. I think it took for me to understand that I wasn't the one with the power. If I kept relying on myself to choose good without asking for God's help I would fail every time. I had to make a decision to repent- not just say I was sorry, but turn away from my old ways and let the Lord lead me.
The thing that I struggle with the most is that obviously I was not being identified as a Christian back then through my actions. I was a walking contradiction. I am so sorry that those who saw me then, may have ill feelings about Christianity because of what I have done. I know God has forgiven me as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). It's hard to forgive myself. This is where I have to stop relying on myself and let God take over. He will replace the shame and guilt with love and light.
I didn't write this in hopes that people will look at how "good" I am now. If it weren't for the cross, I would still be doomed even if I had turned away from my old ways. I want everyone to know that I didn't do anything. Jesus did it. He paid the ultimate price and washed me clean. If you are reading this and you have some of these types of feelings, I encourage you to let them go. I promise you that God loves you and wants a relationship with you. No matter what has happened before. Just forget about all that stuff. I know you may be scared to let go of your life like that or think that you aren't strong enough to turn away from the world. Well, you don't have to be. Just let go and ask God to take it all from you. He will. He can't wait.
I want to share my testimony with anyone who may read it. Not to try and prove my worth, now that I am a Christian, but because I want anyone who may struggle with some of the same feelings that I have to know that it's okay. God does love you. He loves you while you're still a sinner and wants you to come to him no matter what.
I accepted Jesus as my savior when I was young, but, as I heard it put by Joni Eareckson Tada, I had not given Jesus the "throne of my heart". I was saving it for myself. I was living in the world to please myself. It was like I had Jesus in my pocket and I could get him out if I needed him, but I would keep him in there so I could do what I wanted.
I can't really tell you about a certain moment that I finally decided to give myself wholly over to God. I just know I felt quite empty through the majority of my late teens and twenties. God was always there trying to lead me to the narrow path. I could feel the desire to let go. I think it took for me to understand that I wasn't the one with the power. If I kept relying on myself to choose good without asking for God's help I would fail every time. I had to make a decision to repent- not just say I was sorry, but turn away from my old ways and let the Lord lead me.
The thing that I struggle with the most is that obviously I was not being identified as a Christian back then through my actions. I was a walking contradiction. I am so sorry that those who saw me then, may have ill feelings about Christianity because of what I have done. I know God has forgiven me as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). It's hard to forgive myself. This is where I have to stop relying on myself and let God take over. He will replace the shame and guilt with love and light.
I didn't write this in hopes that people will look at how "good" I am now. If it weren't for the cross, I would still be doomed even if I had turned away from my old ways. I want everyone to know that I didn't do anything. Jesus did it. He paid the ultimate price and washed me clean. If you are reading this and you have some of these types of feelings, I encourage you to let them go. I promise you that God loves you and wants a relationship with you. No matter what has happened before. Just forget about all that stuff. I know you may be scared to let go of your life like that or think that you aren't strong enough to turn away from the world. Well, you don't have to be. Just let go and ask God to take it all from you. He will. He can't wait.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Faith in God doesn't mean hoping He will answer your specific prayer. It means giving all your fear and worry to Him and knowing that His will is certain
Recently, during a much needed "mommy nap", in which I often use the quiet time to pray and meditate on God's will and word, I suddenly shot awake with a revelation! It was apparent to me that it was something that the Lord had laid on my heart for some time. It may sound obvious to some: "Faith in God doesn't mean hoping he will answer your specific prayer. It means giving all your fear and worry to him and knowing that His will is certain.
Like I said, this may be quite obvious to some, and for those I congratulate you and pray that you are sharing this with your brothers and sisters. But for me, I think it was something the Lord had been telling me for some time and I finally listened. God hears all of our prayers. "Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him." Psalm 4:3 Although it is difficult, we must understand that our human wants are not always in accordance with His will. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15
It is impossible for us to truly comprehend why and how our Heavenly Father does what He does but I believe He truly delights in us giving up all control and putting our trust fully in Him. He knows everything there is to know about us ("If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything" 1 John 3:20), He loves us more than ANYTHING- after all, he gave up His Son for us! ("For God so loved the world he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16), and he absolutely knows what is best for us and our lives( "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5)
I finally get it! God wants us to let him be in control. I truly believe that when Jesus told the Pharisee in Matthew 22:37 that the greatest commandment was to "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ this is what He was talking about. How can we love God with everything we have if we aren't trusting Him that what He is doing in our lives is what is supposed to be happening?
I am not a preacher and I'm not ever going to tell someone else what they should be doing. I want to just encourage my brothers and sisters to read the Word. It is our instruction manual. It tells us everything we need to know. PERIOD. I would, however, like to share with you how this "revelation" has changed my prayer life. My whole life I have always prayed for this and for that. "Lord please do this... Lord please do that" I'm not telling anyone that's not okay or that God doesn't listen to those prayers, because I know for a fact he does. But, I started praying more like "Lord please move in my life and show me your Will. Take away my self indulgence and help me to accept what you want for me. Let me trust in you completely and wrap me in your arms and carry me through." AND HE DID. He does. Every time.
So, I'm not going to tell you to pray this way. I just want to ask you to try it. Try it and earnestly seek out God's will and see how He moves in your life.
Jesus told us it was the most important thing - to love the Lord with EVERYTHING. I really do think this is the big part that most of us are missing. Personally, I think God has been telling me this for a long time, and I can't tell you how much of a difference it has made since I listened.
Like I said, this may be quite obvious to some, and for those I congratulate you and pray that you are sharing this with your brothers and sisters. But for me, I think it was something the Lord had been telling me for some time and I finally listened. God hears all of our prayers. "Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him." Psalm 4:3 Although it is difficult, we must understand that our human wants are not always in accordance with His will. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15
It is impossible for us to truly comprehend why and how our Heavenly Father does what He does but I believe He truly delights in us giving up all control and putting our trust fully in Him. He knows everything there is to know about us ("If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything" 1 John 3:20), He loves us more than ANYTHING- after all, he gave up His Son for us! ("For God so loved the world he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16), and he absolutely knows what is best for us and our lives( "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5)
I finally get it! God wants us to let him be in control. I truly believe that when Jesus told the Pharisee in Matthew 22:37 that the greatest commandment was to "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ this is what He was talking about. How can we love God with everything we have if we aren't trusting Him that what He is doing in our lives is what is supposed to be happening?
I am not a preacher and I'm not ever going to tell someone else what they should be doing. I want to just encourage my brothers and sisters to read the Word. It is our instruction manual. It tells us everything we need to know. PERIOD. I would, however, like to share with you how this "revelation" has changed my prayer life. My whole life I have always prayed for this and for that. "Lord please do this... Lord please do that" I'm not telling anyone that's not okay or that God doesn't listen to those prayers, because I know for a fact he does. But, I started praying more like "Lord please move in my life and show me your Will. Take away my self indulgence and help me to accept what you want for me. Let me trust in you completely and wrap me in your arms and carry me through." AND HE DID. He does. Every time.
So, I'm not going to tell you to pray this way. I just want to ask you to try it. Try it and earnestly seek out God's will and see how He moves in your life.
Jesus told us it was the most important thing - to love the Lord with EVERYTHING. I really do think this is the big part that most of us are missing. Personally, I think God has been telling me this for a long time, and I can't tell you how much of a difference it has made since I listened.
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